Traditions are funny things, they awesome and create a sense of belonging and a bond that is unbreakable and whatever the tradition is, it is important to you and your family. Then something happens and that once awesome tradition is a painful reminder that is there to rub salt in your wounds, make your eyes leak and break you down into a blubbering idiot, ask me, I know. I have been blubbering for the last week or more and sobbed on Friday night while chatting to my Mom on Facebook.
If you have been following this blog for even a nono second you would have picked up that I love Christmas. L.O.V.E. it! I am that type of person that has my tree up in November and becomes a pain in the ass and makes sure other people have their tree up at the beginning of December.
Last year, Ladybug really started getting Christmas. The decorations we amazing to her, she was getting into the whole Christmas Vibe.
This year Ladybug is full on into Christmas. She has detailed her Christmas wish list down to the T. She wants a Pink Bike with Sparklies and a Baby seat, she wants a Yoyo and she wants a Sparkly Ball (she was meant to be getting the bike for her birthday not Christmas, but some careful maneuvering she is getting a bike for Christmas). Ladybug is loving the Christmas decorations at the shops, she is loving the idea of Christmas Presents. The magic of Christmas is really starting to grow now.
Me… Ive lost my Christmas cheer, in fact it’s more like Christmas tears. I postponed putting our tree up this year. It only went up on Sunday the 29th November so that we could start the advent with the tree up. The thing is there was no sparkly in our tree, there were no lights, there was no tinsel, and even the star had lost its shine. There was no snow (which for those that know me, there is always snow sprayed everywhere). Only half the decorations are up, the other half are laying on the dining room bench. Which isn’t me.
When I was putting up the decorations, I got to putting things up on my cabinet and I burst into tears and that’s when it hit home why my Christmas Cheer is now tears. My Grandfather isn’t here. It the first time in thirty *cough* five *cough* years that he isn’t here for Christmas. Its probably one of the very few Christmases that he wont be Father Christmas and my heart is breaking into a million pieces.
It’s a family tradition that well isn’t happening anymore. Sure we can recruit another male in the family to put on the Father Christmas suit, but it just wont be the same… Its not Grampa.
Last year I was looking for a tradition that I could start with Ladybug, something that we could carry on as a family during Christmas time, something that was new to her and I and hopefully will be passed down for generations to come. We decorated a Gingerbread House/Village/Complex. I “stole” the idea from one of the awesome girls at my work, I can only wish to have a gingerbread house like hers (it had electricity and everything – it was simply amazing). I thought this was a good tradition to start in our family. I made the mistake of doing it in Australia, of starting the Gingerbread house tradition there. I got the WHOLE family involved…. Including the Grumpy Old Man aka my Grandfather. Although there was much muttering ad complaining from his side, he enjoyed doing his house with my Gran, but again its another tradition that is rubbing salt in a gaping hole. I cried as I baked the panels to do the gingerbread house this weekend, but I will put my big girl panties on and carry on.
Having these family traditions this Christmas has sent me searching for another new family tradition that Ladybug and I can start doing. Something that its just the two of us, that we can establish alone, that we can carry forward and include people in the future or continue it just being our Christmas thing, our Christmas Tradition, our Christmas Cheer. This year Ladybug and I will be going to her first Christingle Service on Christmas Eve. And while it is a new tradition to us, we are going back to Old fashioned traditions, to traditions that have been carried down for centuries. I am really looking forward to it, I will have lots of tissues and lots of Rescue remedy on hand because this year is by far the hardest Christmas I have ever had.
I have rectified the sparkly and snow situation since putting up the tree last weekend and Im trying to make it exciting for Ladybug, I am trying…